Did you know that they don’t have Lucky Charms in Ireland? Yeah, they really don’t! Because Lucky Charms are for as*holes.
Really, people? We’re still making jokes about Irish people in 2015? We still make jokes about them all being gingers and being full of luck. Don’t get me wrong, it’s perfectly cool to think a certain group of people are particularly cool or sexy. But as an Irish-American, it blows my mind that Amazon is showing stuff like this:
But enough complaining. Here’s a list of what you can do to actually celebrate the holiday. It’s in no way a comprehensive list, but it should get you out of Drunk Guy With A “Kiss Me” Shirt territory. The Irish may not be as alienated a group as they may have been. But as someone who once explained to an Irish person what Lucky Charms are, I can say with confidence that not being a jerk to this group still matters. Because being a jerk to any group isn’t nice. Even on “their” holiday in America.
1. Instead of eating Lucky Charms for breakfast, have some soda bread.
An Irish staple! It even has its own preservation society. And it’s absolute heaven with butter.
2. Don’t buy a neon shamrock. Buy your sweetie a Claddagh ring.
This is actually based in Irish awesomess. The heart represents love, the hands friendship, and the crown loyalty. It doesn’t have to be real gold. But you will still earn massive points.
3. Watch an Irish film—not sloppy drunks.
Nothing wrong with going to a pub on Saint Patrick’s Day. But you can honor actual Irish people by throwing some money toward their ever-expanding film industry. Pre-game, perhaps?
4. Skip the novelty t-shirts. Go for an Aran sweater.
Okay, so it’s relatively hard to get an authentic Aran sweater in the United States. But they’re way cozier than a cheap t-shirt with flashing shamrocks. And, you know, you can wear it for more than one night. You can get a ambiguously authentic one on Amazon, and order the real thing to prep for next year.
5. Instead of getting blasted on Guinness…
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