This is part of a series of posts called The No B.S. Bridesmaid. This will eventually become a general category, but enjoy the series!
If you’ve made it this far in the series, I hope what you’ve been reading has proven helpful! You’ve probably decided whether or not you’d like to be in that wedding party. You’re also probably wondering what on earth you’ve gotten yourself into.
No longer are bridesmaids and ushers chosen just to act as witnesses to the wedding. We’re not even used for practical purposes like warding off evil spirits. It also costs an arm and a leg to be part of a wedding nowadays. So why do we still do this?
Seriously, why do we still have bridesmaids and ushers? If we can count on enough people to attend our wedding that ghosts won’t show up (or something), why do we still have bridesmaids?
For some, it’s an opportunity to show off how much money they have. It’s also a chance to show off how many important people they can afford to have at their wedding. Fair enough.
But that’s not the “real” function I’m talking about.
If you sign on to be in a wedding, you’re signing on to be much more than a witness. Your purpose is much deeper than that.
A bridesmaid is for when the wedding planner needs to contact someone in case she can’t reach the bride.
A bridesmaid is for when they run out of ice at the reception, and the groom can’t alert the caterer himself.
A bridesmaid is for when the seating chart is set and needs a Final Ex-Boyfriend Check.
A bridesmaid is for extra Spanx and bobby pins.
A bridesmaid is for sampling the wedding booze… and promptly delivering it.
A bridesmaid is for deciding the dress code of the bachelorette party… and ignoring it throughout the night.
A bridesmaid is for keeping track of everyone’s different cake allergies.
A bridesmaid is for tracking down the good anti-nausea drugs.
A bridesmaid is for sentences like, “Your boutonniere’s lopsided, doofus.”
A bridesmaid is for finding Something Borrowed.
A bridesmaid is for never telling where the Something Blue came from.
A bridesmaid is for getting pizza with after the engagement party runs out of food.
A bridesmaid is for co-conspiring to fling panties at the best man during his speech.
A bridesmaid is for selfies when it is not appropriate to take selfies.
A bridesmaid is for answering the 2 a.m. phone calls after the rehearsal dinner wraps up. A bridesmaid is the person the groom vents to when nothing is going right.
You’re there to serve the bride and groom. You’re there to be her confidant. You’re there to take the pressure off him whenever you can.
But most of all, you’re there to be their friend.
That doesn’t sound too hard, does it?
What’s one good memory you have at a wedding? Would you be in a wedding if someone asked you? Share your experience with us in the comments!
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