Realize That I Always Want What I Don’t Have

Rene and I finally got our big commercial gig, and we’re underway to produce some web ads for a national campaign for a big well known company!  We’re getting big money for what essentially will be super short videos.  It’ll be super easy for our l33t filmmaking skillz to totally rock these commercials.  Exciting stuff, right?!  I know I was super ecstatic when we first got wind of the project.

But now that I’m in the midst of this big project (of which I should really be working on full time right now, instead of taking the time to write this blog post), I can’t help but constantly think about the creative properties that I’ve been dreaming about for the last year.  You see, while Rene and I have been busy working on client projects, we’ve also been secretly plotting a plan to make our creative filmmaking dreams come true.  Something so big that Rene and I can’t stop talking about it and coming up with new ideas for it every single day.  That’s right, every. single. day.  That’s how excited we are by it.  We’ve also been working on it as much as we can when time allows, but with the recent increase of client work, we’ve unfortunately had to put it on the backburner a lot more than we’d like to.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m very grateful for the client work we get.  I’m totally not trying to be whiny about the jobs that help us pay the bills and help feed our hungry tummies with awesome real food.  But I think my subconscious, or inner higher self, or some mystical part of me is trying to tell me that I need to get my butt towards my creative dreams as fast as I can.

This is the same feeling I got when I was sitting at my day jobs, day in and day out.  This little nagging feeling that I just shouldn’t be sitting at my hamster wheel desk just waiting for a paycheck every two weeks.  That nagging feeling became so overwhelming, I dreaded going to work, and it culminated into me quitting my day job and starting my own business.  So the fact that I’m getting this same feeling right as Rene and I are getting the biggest project of our commercial film production careers, is definitely a big sign for me.  I guess even when I’m not working for “the man” in some big corporate day job office, I still am if I’m not truly pursuing my real dreams.

So what does this mean?  I guess I gotta suck it up and get myself psyched to do these commercials, which isn’t hard, it is a fairly cool concept.  And it’ll be fun for Rene and me to get on our A game again to produce stuff that will not only knock off the socks of our clients, but that we’ll also be super proud of.  And when this project is all said and done, I’m going to go at that creative dream of mine with full force.  No more excuses anymore, it is game time or I won’t feel right with myself till I get it done.

It’s odd, when I had the time to pursue the creative dream in the past few months, I always stopped myself with thoughts of needing to make the moneys.  Our creative dream project has built in income sources, but ones that need time to grow, so it was always expected that it would be a slow race to make it all profitable financially.  When the bills would come in every month, it would stress me out enough to not work on the creative dream, and go in search for big commercial gigs to help pay the bills.  And here I am with a big commercial gig sitting in my lap, and I’m totally not as happy as I thought I’d be.

Why is it that we always want what we don’t have?  Even if what we have is sooooo super awesome and everyone else would be super happy in the same situation?  I don’t know.  But lesson well learned for me.  I’m going to take a moment, listen to some Lady Gaga or Muse, get myself psyched up for these commercials, and knock them out of the park.  Then, I’m going to pursue my creative dream, and gosh, knowing my fickle attitude about everything, I hope I’ll be excited to do that when the time comes.

And if not, I hope some awesome readers kindly remind me of this post. 😉

Do you get in the way of your dreams?  Are you happy with what you have now?  Are you sitting in your hamster wheel or have you broken free of the system and living your dreams?  Sometimes when I feel this way, I feel like I’m the only one who feels this way.  Please show me that I’m not the only one and share your stories below!

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